Edgar Nim's Checklist for Phoning the Wife

1. Call a couple of buddies to gossip about wife
2. Hang up when good and worked up
   
3. Switch to Eeyore voice
4. Practice Eeyore voice on wife's receptionist
5. Talk low and all serious-like
6. Never laugh - remember that you're not talking to the "buds"
7. Get defensive at the first sign of trouble
8. Play the "you never understand me" card
9. Cut wife off in mid-sentence by loudly slamming phone
10. Curse under breath
11. Hang up on wife's return phone call
12. Ignore subsequent phone calls
13. Turn down phone ringer
14. Huff out of office
15. Take 2.5 hour lunch